They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
