so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Less talking, more tequila
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
