tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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