i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
