I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
