Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
