My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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