yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
