i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
