So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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