Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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