a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
