Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
