Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
