Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
