So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
