Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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