I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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