A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
