I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
