I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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