The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
