Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
