How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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