she looked like the before picture.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
