we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
