getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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