My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
