If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
