Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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