he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my shit smells like andre
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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