Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
