hotel room ftw
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
