I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
