he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
