AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
