this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
