Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
