just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
