Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
