If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Houston, we have a blender
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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