i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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