idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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