explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
