The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
