yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
