Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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