Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
