I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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