is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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