I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
